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July 6, 2008
New Directions
Sometimes depression and stagnation hit you where and when you least expect it. At the beginning of June, while on our long awaited vacation to NYC, I realized how unhappy I'd become with how we were living life. As I sat in a hotel room for the better part of a week, the silence was all I could hear, and all I could react to. All of my plans for museums, gardens, and catching up with a city I love, fell by the wayside; I was so tired, and so fried from being available to people 24/7, that it WAS a vacation to simply interact with no one. The silence gave me a lot of time to think, and a lot of time to listen to myself. What did I really want? What was best for me, and for us? What are the benefits to continuing on this grinding road... day in and day out? Is what I'm doing really making a difference? What am I missing out on by keeping this up?
At the end of the week, I'd had some fabulous food, had seen a decent movie, and decided I'd resign the next day. Would I miss the money? Somewhat, though I was underpaid and undervalued there. Would I miss coworkers? Yes, definitely. Would I miss the job, the structure, and the work environment? No. The news was shocking to some, but most folks understood my reasons. My last day was June 20th, and the solstice is a great metaphor for the balance I seek on this new path.
In the past two weeks, I've focused on my garden, and I'm working on getting the house cleaned up and in shape. Life has been better, and I know it will continue to improve. Letting go of the stress and the bitterness, and the frustration of working there pays more than my salary ever did.
Posted by jodikins at July 6, 2008 11:00 PM