July 15, 2008
Living without regret
Joe died today or yesterday at this point since it's so late. It was unexpected as we all had so much hope that he'd get the double lung transplant he needed (he had Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis). He was only 29.
There's so much that I really can't put into words, other than the fact that he touched my life and changed the way I thought. He was passionate, sharing, and was genuinely interested in people. We talked for a few hours during my last few days at work last month, but I never got a chance to tell him that I became an organ donor because of him.
Joe's courage in facing mortality and a finite life just leaves me in awe. To have touched so many, so deeply, in such a short time, is more than most people can hope for in 80 years. His legacy is in the lessons he taught us and the example he set. We love you :(
Posted by jodikins at 12:53 AM | Comments (0)
July 6, 2008
New Directions
Sometimes depression and stagnation hit you where and when you least expect it. At the beginning of June, while on our long awaited vacation to NYC, I realized how unhappy I'd become with how we were living life. As I sat in a hotel room for the better part of a week, the silence was all I could hear, and all I could react to. All of my plans for museums, gardens, and catching up with a city I love, fell by the wayside; I was so tired, and so fried from being available to people 24/7, that it WAS a vacation to simply interact with no one. The silence gave me a lot of time to think, and a lot of time to listen to myself. What did I really want? What was best for me, and for us? What are the benefits to continuing on this grinding road... day in and day out? Is what I'm doing really making a difference? What am I missing out on by keeping this up?
At the end of the week, I'd had some fabulous food, had seen a decent movie, and decided I'd resign the next day. Would I miss the money? Somewhat, though I was underpaid and undervalued there. Would I miss coworkers? Yes, definitely. Would I miss the job, the structure, and the work environment? No. The news was shocking to some, but most folks understood my reasons. My last day was June 20th, and the solstice is a great metaphor for the balance I seek on this new path.
In the past two weeks, I've focused on my garden, and I'm working on getting the house cleaned up and in shape. Life has been better, and I know it will continue to improve. Letting go of the stress and the bitterness, and the frustration of working there pays more than my salary ever did.
Posted by jodikins at 11:00 PM | Comments (0)